Friday, December 23, 2016

Review of 'the Lobster'

Glib Reviews of Movies people have been telling me to watch all year.

The Lobster
- Directed by Yorgos Lanthimos

Since this came out like a year or so ago, everyone who has seen it, and knows me has been telling me how much I would like it. Thus as a master Contrarian, I haven't been arsed to watch it. Really just have not been in the mood for it, or something. But after watching the Super Hero filled Captain America the night before, I needed an art film palate cleanser.

The Lobster was as tasty as an actual lobster. I'm a pretty big fan of director Yorgos Lanthimos' previous film Dogtooth, which was one of those pictures where the absurdity is what is riveting, it real but it's not, it's mundane but it's not. Like the best Fassbinder films, this film is about nothing, sort of.... a middle aged guy whose wife leaves him, and because of the particular dystopian society he lives in, he's forced to go live in a hotel an find a new partner. If he doesn't do so, he gets turned into the animal of his choice to live out his days.

The creepy as heck conceit of this conceptual sci fi movie is that everyone must be coupled, or face this harsh system where you either find a mate, or in some unexplained and never shown way, get turned into an animal. Farrell's character David, has his brother Bob, recently turned into a dog, with him as the real proof of this.

This movie is so delightfully twisted, everyone is desperate in their own way, most of the people are so damaged from living in this scary to any of us who have accepted being alone world, that they don't really know how to 'couple', focussing on things like both of them being short sighted, or liking certain foods, as enough proof they they should be together.

The movie is the mutant offspring of Bunuel and Fassbinder. For many folks, I think that qualifies the film as silly and pointless. For myself and those who love those directors this is a welcome change of pace from paint by numbers blockbusters and Woody Allen-esque rom-coms. I don't want to give away any of the smaller plot points or turns, other than to say there are some great twists and turns as David finds out that people are worse than the systems they choose to live in. That 'freedom' is pretty frigging relative. Great picture, that writing about makes me want to watch again.

9.3333 dance parties where everyone is an awkward wallflower outta 10


Thursday, December 22, 2016

Movie Review of Captain America: Civil War

Glib reviews of movies finally on the Netflix

Captain America: Civil War
- Directed by the Russo Bros.

Now this is an Avengers movie. Everyone is petty, even when they are owning up to civ casualtiesYes it's a very paint by numbers but extremely well paced comic book story, that makes the most of it's two and a half hour running time. The Story would be over in two issues of a comic, maybe three or four with certain modern writers more prone to giving their artists quirky dialogue and sex jokes than punchy punchy scenes.

So much punchy punchy in this movie, and better choreographed than most super-movies, with the jump cuts that make the fighting seem fake (ask Jackie Chan about this, wide shots are best for good solid action that makes people wince in pain. jump cuts just scare you.) Any who, like all good comic book team ups, the heroes spend most of their time either having a punchy misunderstanding, or they are tricked by a villain. this movie has both. Most of the heroes get in some good zingers, which is also half of what makes a typical comic book, zingers. fun dialogue.

And as is proper and true all the best zingers come from your friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man. Spidey is and always has been the best of the zinger tossing heroes. And in the big fight scene at the airport, he steals the show. He also benefits from the best single decision ever made in any Marvel movie, Spider-Man or not.




He has a Queens accent! Genius, and something that wouldn't work in the comics really, but of course Peter has a nice New Yawk, accent... he's no character in a Woody Allen movie mind you, but unlike everyone else who isn't a villain...in the film except the android, who sounds like he from London, Spidey sounds like he is from somewhere. Every other hero including the Russian spy, sound like they are from television accent land. flat. This brings a whole new dimension to Spidey, who has been my fave character since I was 5 years old. That does not happen every day.



Which brings me to a point they reinforce, but don't use to advantage with Cap and Bucky (Winter Soldier) these are guys frozen in time after being native Brooklynites beforehand, without the exposure of television, not even a trace of old school 30's 40's Brooklyn accent, just a hint would be all you need, not a caricature, just subtle, like Tom Holland achieves with Spidey. Holland btw looks like Tobey Mcguire, and Andrew Garlield made a clone from their dna. just sayin.'



Oh and a shout out to how The Black Panther was brought in, and hints given about his upcoming movie. Great addition to the movies, I think if it can be as cool as his character is in the film, it will be another winner.

An enjoyable romp of a movie, that gave me lots of nerdgasms, and took the right kinds of liberties with characters i love to translate them from comics to movies, which really are different mediums. No comic book inspired movie will ever live up to my favourite comics, but they don't have to.

9.3323 Giant Ant Men falling on airplanes like At-Ats outta 10






Wednesday, December 21, 2016

Three words: Vikings On Skis!

Glib Reviews of movies recently available on Netflix (and other sources most likely)

The Last King
- Directed by Nils Gaup

Are ancient Norwegians technically Vikings? I don't know or care. As far as I am concerned these fur and armour wearing bros who look like Thor, Loki, or Odin, are Vikings.

Ahem... indeed, they are 'Vikings on Skis'. I am tempted to stop the review there, because what more impetus to watch this fast moving generic plotted but with awesome Vikings on Skis. In typical fashion with these sorts of historical action thingies, the King is killed. everyone thinks it a blonde haired ambitious (Marvel's Thor) Thor type Earl, but it turns out to be his evil Loki haired (aka Tom Hiddleston-y looks) bro. Anyhoo, the real evil guys are of course the church bros. Hint: you know the Bishop is evil when he demand that you being him the head of a baby.

I don't see these points as spoilers, just fun things to watch out for. Have I mentioned the Vikings on Skis! Of course the baby needs to be protected, and is by two Thor types, one blonde, one red. there is lots of need for vengeance to go around. Also the ski chases/fights are super well choreographed. The plot, dialogue is pretty rote, but it all moves quickly, and there are zero sexy montages!

In the end all the right things happen, and at the right time, it's a reasonable less than two hours long. Not terribly bloody, groundbreaking or anything, but fun, in a lovely snowy setting (Norway) and well.... Vikings on Skis!!!!!!


8.00001 arrows to the shoulder that don't stop your Olympic level skiing whilst carrying a baby outta 10